It has been a long while since I metaphorically put pen to paper on this blog. I started it when I began my degree, now done and dusted, and it seemed a great way to help me coral and express my thoughts and philosophies that were emerging as I studied. As I came to the end of my degree, and the pressures that entailed, and I took up teacher training, the time to reflect and write seemed to disappear like money in my account.
As it was, I have had a bit of a learning experience over the past 15 months or so and I am not sure if I have even begun the journey of understanding what has happened, how it has impacted on myself and my friends and family, and what impact it will have in the future. I do know that I have been both surprised and not so surprised at those who have watched me during this experience – and have not run away or turned a shoulder. I am not the easiest of people to befriend or get to know but I try to be as helpful and supportive as I can but it appears for some, if not all, that I have met over the past 15 months this has not been enough to ask about how I have been doing. So be it, I am an uncommunicative bastard at the best of times, so fewer people to feel guilty about not talking to is a bonus. To those who have stuck around during what have been, and still are, dark times for me, I can only offer pathetic thanks and the faint joke of having only yourselves to blame for hanging around.
As a part of the process of trying to get back to the centre of myself I have started writing again. This will be a semi-irregular rant or head dump to try and make sense of a world I am becoming increasing alienated from. Generally I will philosophise, or talk bollocks as some of my friends might say, but occasionally it might be something completely different. In addiiton I am writing short stories. Nothing serious but I am hoping that some creative success might kick start the ability to look forward and think outside of this angry little box I am in.
So far this has just been a post of “I’m kind of messed up and I am going to frown at you about it.” but curiously I can feel the beginnings of a sort of release. I will try and get a bit more light hearted, hopefully not too much at the expense of the kids I help, but I hope you will forgive me if sometimes the grumpy old bastard comes through.